Birthdays, Caregiving and the Tarot

I spent some of my early morning going through the major arcana in The Cosma Visions Oracle. I purchased this deck years ago and it sat on my shelf as it is not one of my decks in regular use. Today is a dear friend’s birthday and I wanted to honor her by sending her a card representing her soul (also called a soul card which you calculate with your birthdate) and a card representing the year ahead (by calculating this year’s birthday). I was so delighted by Pelican being used to represent the emperor that I organized the cards on my altar so I could view the entire journey of the major arcana.

What struck me is that these cards begin with death and end with life on earth. I felt awe in framing it this way as it reminded me that all these archetypes are experienced before our time on the planet. It helps me to remember that change is built into our souls experience. So much so that each hour the astrology wheel moves a whole sign. And each year we enter a new journey depicted by the major arcana and the year ahead.

Birthdays and death now go together for me. My dad died the same month of his birthday, which is the same month of my birthday. I have now lived 24 years without my dad and therefore gone through the major arcana years that correspond with my birthdate. This morning I awoke from a dream where my mom and I were at Target. As I was putting away a shopping cart, I looked down on my phone. I had received a notice the day before my birthday that I was the next year older already. “Stupid Facebook, I told my mom, it doesn’t even have my birthday right!”

If you practice or study tarot you might be aware that in our journey grief is a normal part of our lived experience. The cycles of life live through the element, suits and archetypes. Just as we live through the daily elements of water, earth, air and fire. The suits remind us that we can embody self or other mentoring with the help of these elements and with different levels of understanding and with our own sense of how the anima and animus lives within us. Or we draw these people to us for lessons in healing or heartache. And the major arcana is there to remind us that we all are here on a journey.

I love combining therapy with tarot because it is so useful to help us process our lived experience. So often words are not enough to convey the depth of feeling. Taking my time to place each card on the table, as I took in each image, I feel a tug in my body with each glimpse, as though my soul can view the artistry and react without eyes. Taking in all of the images together helped me feel throughout my day that I am here and part of something greater than I will ever know.

As I talked to my mom later in the day I was noticing my pre-grief. Having lost one parent in my 20s I know that this time with her in her late 80s is a privilege. It comes with the joy and the sorrow of grief. As her memory goes it strikes me that there is so much more to her than someone that has the capacity to remember that she has a doctor appointment next Tuesday. As she shares stories especially about her parents from childhood, I find myself feeling closer to her than I ever have.

I am my mom’s primary caregiver and have been the last 3 years. When I am not helping her I am working as a therapist, or swimming at the gym, or working a garden that I took on not knowing how much work it would be. Sometime over the weekend, I will pick the remaining blue hydrangeas and arrange them in a vase for her to enjoy. It may sound silly but I feel like my garden protects us both. I hope she sees the flowers and remembers no matter what her cognitive decline looks like, that she is safe and secure in my care. Not everyone is fortunate enough to come in with such safety and security. I am grateful that I get to be here this moment no matter how thankless and stressful caregiving in the United States has become.

My friend loved the images of the cards that I sent. I offered to explain them further the next time we meet but encouraged her to both enjoy her birthday, and to take in her cards and notice how she feels about them. I love this about getting older with my friends. I have less interest in knowing what everything means and more interest in feeling my way through the garden of life and trusting the felt sense.

May you find the garden that helps you makes sense of this complicated world. Maybe there’s a tarot deck that wants to join you there.

References

Eads, JR. The Cosmic Visions Oracle, 2^nd Ed.

Magical Reawakening https://www.magicalreawakening.com/soul-card-calculator

Murphy Rising, J. Tarot and Therapy https://www.buzzsprout.com/1929025/episodes/16212074

Shadow Bear Tarot https://shadowbeartarot.com/quizzes-and-more/calculate-your-year-card/